Why am I so Tired

I’m tired with a deep and aching tire that cannot be cured by sleep. Even if a long and uninterrupted slumber was granted to me, I would still awake feeling that my exhaustion had not been eased in the least. My tiredness does not come from a simple need of sleep, thus no amount of sleep or rest seems to quench it.

I’m drained in a way that leaves me grey, the colour seeping out of me with speed and persistence. It is leaking through a gap that I can’t locate, so I’m left to watch the colour leave me. Shades of grey is what I’m made of now and I don’t even have the energy to miss the colour.

Every drop of energy is being squeezed out of me until I’m sure I’m left with none and yet I am forced to find more, to make more somehow.

All I want to do is sleep for days or weeks on end and yet I know that nothing would change. A mere second awake would bring back the same feeling. All I know is that when I’m asleep I can at least be numb, I can at least have a break from the persistent draining of energy, even if sleep never recovers or replaces any energy.

In sleep I find reprieve. A brief comma in the stretch and challenge of the days. Sleep separates the tiredness of each new day and allows at least for life not to be one long continuous grey day. Even if human beings did not require sleep in the physical sense, we would at least need a trip to our subconscious to allow a momentary break from the struggles and trials we face. Even if they don’t go away while we innocently sleep; we are at least away from them, into a land where they can’t reach us except to trouble us in our dreams.

If you ask me why I am so tired, I would tell you I don’t know. But perhaps really, it is a deep and immeasurable desire; an innate longing, to go home. Home to my Lord, home to a place where no more troubles will await me. Perhaps I’m tired of this world where I do not belong. Perhaps that’s what it is.

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16 thoughts on “Why am I so Tired

  1. Colors of my life says:

    I often went like this, my personal observations are three:

    1) When I have far from Allah than I should be.

    2) Satan always makes you disappoint you, makes you low, hopeless, desperate.

    3) After every sunset there is sunrise. We went through winters and summers in winters the nights are longer than summer. But in both cases, sun does comes out and brightens ourselves.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. myJourney says:

    Thousands if not millions of people have experienced what you’ve experiencing now and I’m one of them years ago. And only the Almighty can cure it purely if we go back to Him. Even if it is so impossible, so hard, and so tiring even more, we still need to go back to Him. He is ready all the time for our pleading. We believe you can rise from that heavy feeling in your heart😊 anytime you want with the help of our Creator. In shaa Allah. Ok?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Safiyah says:

      Aww thank you so much for your lovely and thoughtful comment! Alhamdulillah I really am fine I’m very good, this is just me with my writer’s hat on delving very deep into a passing feeling! ☺️

      Liked by 1 person

      • myJourney says:

        Oh yeah? Glad to hear that. And maybe there is good side also in writing what comes into our minds, even the distressing ones. As an assessment for example. Honestly, besides the chaos and misunderstanding with our other neighbors, I feel happy because can you see it, unknown people with perhaps completely different physical labels show care and support for us😊

        Liked by 1 person

  3. thari says:

    Well may you find the comfort and ease of mind that you seek, and may He grant us all a pleasant resting place after the continuous struggle of the worldπŸ’•
    And did you know, whenever I’m tired, I think about it in varying degrees of grey, too! Must be a thing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Safiyah says:

      Alhamdulillah I do find it and I realise how depressing this post was but honestly I am all good haha I just like writing about depressing stuff sometimes I guess πŸ™ˆ oh really, yeah I think grey is just a very fitting colour! Or lack of! Thanks for your lovely comment πŸ’œ

      Liked by 1 person

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