Visited by Grief

Grief is like an uninvited visitor who shows up on your doorstep. It knocks on your door viciously, rings the bell incessantly and then proceeds to break down the door anyway.

The first visit occurs after that fateful moment. When it first arrives Grief makes its’ presence known. It engulfs you, suffocating you almost – but not quite. Grief turns your world to different shades of grey. It lurks in your field of vision at all times, making sure you remember. Grief lingers unwelcome and unforgiving, refusing you a moment’s peace. It infringes on your personal space, invades your mind and every atom in your body. Grief leeches onto your soul like a parasite, feeding off of your happiness, your smiles and your laughter.

Every now and then, just because it can, Grief squeezes your heart with such an immense pressure you will think you can’t possibly bear it. Grief places a permanent weight on your heart, a stone with a name engraved on it. Just for good measure it etches that name into your heart as well, inflicting pain in any way it knows how.

After some time, Grief will make you think it has left, it will be hiding around the corner waiting for you to feel you are free from it. Just as you start to lift your head, looking to the sky for hope, Grief comes rushing around the corner and delivers a blow to your gut. Grief laughs at you for being naive and will enjoy punishing you for this.

Eventually Grief will allow you some breathing space, who knows how long this will take though. It might relieve the weight on your heart every now and then. It might stop feeding from your smiles and laughter, allowing you more rations as time goes on.

Sometimes Grief will leave you alone for long periods. You will start to see more colours, you will start to see more beauty in the world. But you will never forget. There will always be reminders. There will be moments when something triggers Grief to lash out and it feels like that first visit all over again. However much time passes by, Grief will always have that power over you, to make you feel the intensity of it no matter what.

No matter how much time passes by, that name will always be etched on your heart and you wear it with pride. You will learn how to deal with the trials that Grief throws at you. You will learn to greet Grief as an old friend, even though it hurts you. With Grief comes the memories – bittersweet they may seem at times but they will always be cherished.

 

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16 thoughts on “Visited by Grief

  1. NewMuslimMusings says:

    Grief is merciless and paralyzing…
    I resonate your reflections hun…
    Btw have you read A Temporary Gift by Asmaa Hussein? If not you should give it a try.. You can check out excerpts on youtube as well…i actually learnt to grieve from that book…

    Liked by 3 people

  2. chasingsakina says:

    There aren’t many posts that I read that grip me as much as your writing does. It’s so hard to look away when I end up getting carried away…you have a gift with words, Allahuma Barik Feekie ~

    This truly was fantastically written! It almost reminded me of how death was personified so exquisitely in “The Book Thief” and its one of my absolute favourite books! Grief isn’t the nicest of uninvited guests and it’s sad that many of us have had encounters with it. However it’s people like you that remind us, that it is possible to deal with it. To welcome it like an old friend and bear with the pain, until it becomes a dull ache. A tiny itch, apparent, existent but no longer allowed as much power in controlling you as it did first time around.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Safiyah says:

      Aww wow thank you so much that means a lot, you have a beautiful way with words as well ukhti!
      Oh my gosh, you caught me, that’s partly where my inspiration came from -I’m currently reading ‘The Book Thief’! But yeah I guess I wanted to capture how it feels at the time and how it can change as time passes, I’m glad if I can have any effect like that . Exactly, so beautifully put by yourself at the end ❀

      Liked by 2 people

      • Safiyah says:

        And you’re really insightful that you picked up on it lol! I’m really into it, I like how it’s narrated quite different! Definitely sad though, especially to notice certain ways history is repeating itself 😞
        Can’t wait to see what happens to all of the characters!

        Liked by 2 people

  3. samba2017 says:

    So important to express grief in whatever form this takes. It is such an intense and personal experience and yet it touches at all at one time or another. Thanks for sharing this. I have also experienced intense grief in the last couple of years and know where you are coming from. Sam πŸ™‚

    Like

    • Safiyah says:

      Exactly, I think in some ways grief affects everyone in the same ways and at the same time everyone experiences grief differently. I’m sorry to hear you have experienced intense grief recently, thank you so much for reading!

      Like

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